and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
