Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
