p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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