Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
