I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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