you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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