for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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