i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
