i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
