there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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