Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
