so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
