I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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