I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
