I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
