Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
