the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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