I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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