My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
