im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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