I smell stomach acid.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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