Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
