I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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