I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
