for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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