You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
