Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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