I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
