Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
