So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize