He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
