3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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