jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
