I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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