Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
