The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
