I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
