They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
