y did u give ur computer a hand job?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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