WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
