I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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