i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
