It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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