meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
