how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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