Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
