i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
