At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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