You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
