I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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