Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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