She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
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my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
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Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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