that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
