I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
