Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
