i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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