He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
